Why are you developing feelings for your friend?

Ever found yourself being drawn to someone other than your partner, who isn’t your normal type, and you don’t actually think you’d ever necessarily leave them for…

…but somehow you’re pulled to them, without really understanding why?

This is likely because your needs aren’t getting met inside your current relationship, and on some level, you likely don’t actually believe that they ever WILL get met in the current relationship.

Let me explain:

If you are one of those folks who didn’t experience much emotional validation growing up from your parents (meaning you told them something or asked them for something and they would listen to you and respect you for it), you might be carrying a belief, deep down inside of you, that you’re needs will never really get met by other people.

You might have learned to think that people don’t really care about what you need, or it isn’t safe to ask them for things, or that even if you do ask them for thing, they won’t hear you or really do anything about it.

Because that was your childhood experience.

So now in adulthood, you’ve been conditioned over the decades to think that asking for what you need in a romantic relationship is a moot point: they won’t hear you or care. 

Maybe it’s even not safe to because it’ll rock the boat and they’ll get angry, or frustrated. Which you also don’t like.

Perhaps previously you tried and your partner got defensive, or angry at you. 

So you learned quickly that it’s not safe to and better to not trigger them or provoke an argument.

So, you don’t voice your needs that much.

And now, since you don’t have that muscle of speaking up for your needs, you are actually quite disconnected from them. 

You don’t really give them much conscious thought.

Because you’ve learned not to - it’s quite painful having needs that you can’t do anything about, so you’ve learned to just shut them down.

This all makes total sense, by the way - why would you want unnecessary drama in your life?

So, now, after years of being with your partner, those needs aren’t getting met, and you almost don’t consciously realise it anymore - it’s quite normal to you - you just notice that you’re not feeling so happy or connected anymore.

And rather than digging into ‘why’ that is, or where this comes from, and doing something about it with your partner (like having some discussions about your needs), you naturally avoid it (since it doesn’t feel safe, and never has done, really). 

And instead, you look for other ways to get those needs met. 

Like, this new friend, or new person - who seems to naturally give you what you need.

So of course, you are drawn to them.

All makes total sense!

This is all subconscious by the way - you aren’t doing any of this intentionally. 

It’s just your default wiring. 

So of course, before you know it, you’re finding yourself drawn to someone you wouldn’t even normally find attractive - because they’re meeting your needs on some level, and it’s what you’re craving deep down. And maybe have been, for a while.

So what do you do?

Well, the solution, as you can likely deduce, isn’t to just leave your partner for this person.

That could get very messy indeed - and is quite a long winded and painful way of resolving this actually.

Rather, what is much easier, is to identify what needs are getting met with this new person and learn how to express your need for them with your current partner.

You will also want to overcome the conditioning that makes you feel this isn’t safe.

Which is all perfectly doable when you know how to.

In fact, when you have the right process and tools to learn this, it can be very easy - and quite fun.

And I can teach you!

In fact, my favourite thing to do is help folks change their conditioning from one that holds them back and causes problems, to one that makes their life easier and happier.

Especially in love.

I cover this in my signature 90 day program.

Email me today to learn more.