Blog Posts
Why most dating and relationship advice you’ll see out there is garbage - and how I can help you unlock your full relationship potential
I discovered this the hard way. Both when I was single throughout my 20s and early 30s, and when I was both in my painful first engagement, trying desperately to figure out what the heck was happening that made me feel so bad. I was a wizard at looking for online support. Trust me.
As someone who had grown up reading most of the self-help books out there (I was 12 years old when I read Susan Jeffers ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway guide to love’), and having worked in behavioral science, I had tons of resources at my fingertips. When instagram became a thing, I was a pro at trawling through endless relationship and dating coaches, screenshotting their tidbits of advice, and passive aggressively sending them to my partner at the time trying to make things better (terrible). I got into podcasts, listening to ones aimed at women, aimed at men, both, and doing my best to arm myself with knowledge and wisdom that would help me find the One. I was hooked on reality TV shows, Sex and the City, and whatever else I could binge on that would help me understand ‘love’.
The Successful Executive and Entrepreneur’s Achilles Heel: Why You're Single and How Behavioral Science Can Help You
Here's the truth, many successful executives, entrepreneurs, and go-getters find themselves single well into their 40s and 50s. It's a paradox, right? You've mastered the art of building something substantial in your work life, yet creating a fulfilling romantic partnership feels frustratingly elusive.
You work hard, you apply yourself. You’ve gone to therapy, listened to some podcasts, read a few books. You’ve heard about Attachment styles and love languages, you’ve watched some YouTube dating bloggers and you learned a lot from your ex partners. You’ve had some long-term relationships and you feel pretty experienced in the relationship world.
Successful professionals, let's talk ROI: Why investing into your love life is a power move for your career
You’re a successful professional. You've spent your life working hard, achieving, go-getting, and being a good student of your career. You’ve invested into it, and invested into yourself.
Your 20s and 30s were a flurry of endless board meetings, deals, and sitting in offices with ever-increasingly better panoramic views. You also had a personal life that you thoroughly enjoyed: you travelled a lot, you saw the world, you had your adventures. You also achieved a heck of a lot of success. And honestly, whilst you would love to have achieved more (because, is it ever enough? ;)), you’re proud of yourself. You know you’re tenacious, hardworking, and still have a LOT ahead of you.
But lately, all of this feels a little…empty. You're a powerhouse at work, but your personal life has recently felt more and more like some sort of neglected side hustle. It’s not going too well. And it’s a bit…well, flat.
Small pivots to create success - for yourself, your life, and your relationships - in just 30 minutes.
determine the contents of the next 24 hours.
For me, this looks like starting each day with 3 things:
Subconscious mind reprogramming. I focus on healing my core wounds and embodying my new, fully healed, successfully in love way of being each morning. My clients do the same. We use subconscious mind hacks and ultra rapid techniques to achieve this in as little as 10-15 minutes a day.
Gratitude practices and embodying what I am excited for. Feeling that excitement.
Exercise and moving my body, breathing fresh air, and expelling any tension left over from the day before. I am blessed to live a stone's throw away from the beach, and to be smelling that sweet Mediterranean summer air these mornings. I look forward to this every day.
What if I can’t change? A story to change your mind
So often I get approached by men and women in their 40s and 50s, wanting help with their relationships, but worried that they are too old to change.
The conversation usually goes something like this:
Them: “I’m stuck in a bit of a situation right now. I really want to find love, create that happy family/life for myself but I can’t seem to find my person. I think it’s because I’m working a lot and don’t have time for a partnership right now/anxious/insecure/caught up in a hot and cold dynamic with someone/living in a small city/not sure what I am doing etc etc.”
Me: “Got it. That sounds like the exact sort of situation I’m well versed in helping folks through. I understand - and I get it. The great news is, you can change this within as short as 3 months if you apply yourself and do the personal growth.”
Them: “I don’t know if it will work on me though…I’ve tried therapy/counselling before and it didn’t really have any impact. I’ve tried coaching before and it didn’t really change anything, though it made me more aware. I’m scared that I can’t change. And then I’m scared that if I do change, I won’t know who I am anymore…”
Does this sound familiar?
Why Matchmaking alone won’t work for you. Or, why taking short-cuts with your love life is an awful idea.
One of the most depressing things that I hear on a nearly weekly basis is when potential clients tell me that they’d rather invest into a Matchmaker than work with a coach.
Second most depressing thing, is when people ask me when I’ll start doing my own matchmaking service. Heck, it’s the same thing as coaching, right?
Absolutely not.
In fact, it’s in wild opposition to coaching.
Why most of your attempts to change, do self-development, therapy, and coaching won't work
Last week I wrote a post about how most of your attempts to do self development don’t and won’t work. I got a LOT of great feedback on it and folks asking for more information - so I thought I’d write a bigger post.
And it’s true. I stand by what I said.
Most of your interventions around personal development - whether it’s going to therapy, reading self-help books, working with a life coach, or whatever it might be - won’t work. Not long term.
Yes, you‘ll likely feel a buzz and sense of excitement at the initial changes. You’re doing something new. It’s cool. It’s exciting. You’ve got your mojo fired up and your motivation is high.
You show up with discipline at the early stages. You’re keen. You’re motivated.
And then… a few weeks down the line, you’re noticing yourself be a little bit less disciplined. Your energy is down a bit. You’re enthusiasm is dropping.
Before you know it, you’ve forgotten to do the very things you said you would do.
You’re slowly rolling back to square one - back to where you started.
Why dating is a waste of time
Dating is a waste of time.
If you’re a successful, smart, ambitious single executive or entrepreneur - it’s a waste of time.
And I say that, as a relationship coach who helps these folks - men and women - typically between 35 - 55 years old - to find healthy, secure, meaningful love.
Yes, dating is a waste of time.
When I hear people say: ‘Dating is just a numbers game’, and ‘you have to just keep putting yourself out there and eventually you’ll find your person’, all I hear is….
Avoidance. And irresponsibility.
I learned this the hard way.
When I was 32, everything in my life imploded from within.
Why do Executives need Relationship Coaching?
It’s the week of my Live Masterclass (this Thursday, 5.30pm GMT) and we still have a handful of places left - so sign up here
I’ll be walking you through the fundamentals of my science-based 3 phase process (that I use to teach CEOs, Executives, Hollywood Film Directors, Philanthropists, and HNWIs) on how to become a Master at your personal relationships in a proven, systematic, and structured way.
I’m a nerd at heart and passionate about getting clients results - so trust me on this when I say, you will regret missing it. I’m also bored of the watered down, superficial, nonsensical advice we get in society about relationships, so you can expect something MUCH more robust in this one hour training.
“It’ll just work out, right?” Wrong: Why you’re going to fail if you’re just waiting for things to ‘work out’ for you.
Ask anyone out there what the most important things in their life are, and they’re likely going to tell you it’s their wife/husband and kids. If they’re single, ask them what they want most in life, and they’re likely going to tell you that it’s finding their life partner.
Most people, honestly most people on this planet, including virtually everyone I speak to, admit that they spend their lives yearning for that soulmate connection. That type of deep seated, genuine, nourishing love where you feel safe with your partner, you feel free to be yourself, and free to relax knowing that you’ve found them.
“Am I being unreasonable? Am I asking for too much?” Why you can have it all.
Do you ever find yourself wondering:
“Am I being unreasonable?”
“Am I asking for too much?”
“Are my expectations too high?
“Am I too demanding?”
“Do I need to calm down?”
“Do I need to settle?”
And within that, is there a heavy, looming sense of self-doubt? Of self-doubt, perhaps some self-criticism coming out as a frustration with yourself, an irritation, a sense of, ‘why can’t I just figure this out? What’s wrong with me? Why am I always the one with problems in this part of my life?’
10 Ways to Create Healthy Love
It’s the 15th January 2024, and that means it’s my birthday.
And as I write this, I already know that this year feels very different to my last.
Something feels quite, quite different.
Aside from the fact that many things in my life have changed in the past 12 months, there’s a more profound change I feel.
Can you keep your new year resolutions?
We’re in week 2 of 2024.
I’m so curious: how is it going for you?
Are you still full of joy and excitement, eager to tackle your goals, wake up at the crack of dawn to get going, and zoom through everything you want to get done?
Or have you slowly reverted back to your old life? Your normal life? Your December 2023 self, as if nothing had really changed? (Because in many ways, it hasn’t?)
Have your resolutions gradually fallen by the wayside? The shiny feeling of 2024 worn off already?
2024 is here. What are you calling in?
So here we have it. 2024 is here.
As I write, on the 2nd of January, 2024, I feel a delicious sense of possibility. Openness. Expansion. A sense of wonder at what will come. With the whole year ahead of us, each month a new page that remains yet unwritten, we welcome in a clean slate, a fresh start.
Whilst I’m not a huge believer in New Year Resolutions, recognizing how frequently we fail to keep them and how unproductive that subsequent shame spiral is, I am a big believer in fresh starts. And what is a new year, if not a beautiful, long opportunity for a fresh start?
What to do if you’re feeling alone this Christmas? 5 ways to feel better
Christmas is meant to be a time filled with festivities, love, and lots of people around you. Whether it’s family, friends, colleagues at work parties or cosying up with your partner. But for many of you, this just isn’t the case.
Some of you are physically isolated, either unable to be with loved ones, or don’t have loved ones to spend it with. Some of you are with loved ones, but feel alone - despite all the Hallmark merriment outside. And I don’t know what is worse, really. I’ve spent Christmassess feeling both.
It can be a time of intense pressure and isolation, intermingled into a strange blur of feelings.
“It’s lonely at the top” (Part 2)
Your standards are higher than the average
You recognise that you bring a lot to the table and you expect the same from a partner. You look after yourself, you maintain your appearance, you keep abreast of socio-political issues, and have good manners. You’re also well-travelled, well-educated, have a strong network, and of course, an excellent career. You know you can always do more and there’s much more of the ladder to climb, but you recognise that you are a catch.
“It’s lonely at the top.” 5 reasons why finding and keeping a life partner is that much harder for executives and entrepreneurs - and what to do. Part 1.
I still remember crying my eyes out, gulping down sobs of despair on the couch of my Kensington apartment, one sunny Saturday afternoon in June a few years back. I’d been working hard all week and had the whole weekend ahead of me, but felt exhausted, disheartened, and lost.
I was over it.
“When will I be ready to meet my life partner? Is there ever a right time?”
A terrible false belief I hear a lot of is:
"Now isn't the right time for me to focus on my relationships. I need to get my life/work/investments/home in order first, and then I'll look at them".
Sigh. Ooooh sigh. Alright, let’s break this down.
What comes first, a strong relationship with yourself where you know yourself inside out, have clarity and vision around what you need and what you want out of your life, plus a beautifully clear strategy
OR
Accredited professional support with proven behavioural science methodology to help you figure it all out, know what you don't know, and get there quickly?
“Why am I still single?” 6 reasons and what you can do about them.
Even though I work with married couples, relationships, and singles, one of the main questions I hear time and time again - probably THE main question - is ‘Why am I still single’?
It fluctuates from that, to the slight variation of, ‘Where is my person?’, to ‘When will I meet them?’ to ‘How is it possible that I am still single…?’.
In all the clients I’ve supported over the years I’ve noticed certain trends and themes which I’ll share with you below.
How can I improve my relationships? 7 easy ways to transform them
You don’t have to suffer or settle in your relationships. There are always room for improvement and growth! Here are seven ways to take the next steps in your relationships.