Are you holding back your true feelings with your partner? Walking on eggshells? Biting your tongue? Here's why.
Have you ever felt upset or let down by your partner but not said anything, because you don’t want more drama, and you don’t actually believe that talking to them will help? You think it’ll just make things worse?
Perhaps you’ve tried to speak up for what you need before, and it’s backfired.
So now you avoid it?
Well, the solution for you lies in realizing that having conflict is not a sign of failure, but in fact a healthy, normal part of a strong relationship - and conflict can actually be a good thing that brings you two together.
I can imagine you’re thinking:
‘Sure, sounds good in theory, but the reality is horrible.’
‘Conflict never gets us anywhere - it just makes things worse.’
‘What’s the point?’
And I suspect you find conflict pretty uncomfortable.
It’s upsetting, you don’t like raised voices, you don’t like your partner getting defensive (because they always do), and you hate how you end up feeling throughout it.
Tense, rejected, unsafe, anxious.
It’s certainly not fun.
I get it - and I also used to despise conflict. In fact, it was only a few years ago, that big conflict would lead me into panic attacks and full on meltdowns. I hated it.
But as horrible as conflict feels right now, if you want to be happy in a relationship - whether it’s your current one, or a future relationship - you will have to eradicate that core fear and get comfortable with speaking up for your needs.
That's true vulnerability.
And to do that in a safe and productive way, you’re going to have to get comfortable with navigating conflict - with grace, with skill, and with discernment.
Because here’s what bad conflict looks like:
You raise a concern mid-conversation, they get defensive, you get triggered, and before long it’s a back-and-forth blame game.
Voices escalate.
No one’s really listening.
You’re both trying to “win.”
It's a competiton - and so someone is going to lose (if not, both of you).
Can you see how this really doesn’t achieve much?
There’s no room for kindness, hearing each other, fairness, or resolution.
Just more and more competition, which ultimately leads to disconnection.
So of course, you walk away more uncertain than before - and start keeping more inside next time.
Now on the flip side, here’s good conflict:
You speak up calmly, knowing exactly what you need and why it matters.
You start up softly, gently, and stay grounded - even if their reaction is uncomfortable.
You keep it focused, not personal. You stay connected to your open heart and self-respect, not their defensiveness.
See what happens here?
There’s progress. Not perfection, sure. But it's solid progress. You create emotional safety for yourself first - so the relationship has space to meet you there.
Of course, there’s a lot more to it than just the brief few sentences I can share in this article.
You need to look at identifying and overcoming your blocks around speaking up for your needs - heck, you might even need help identifying your needs in the first place, because the truth is, most high performing people have no clue what they need, only what they ‘want’ - which are two very different things.
You may also need help managing your nervous system, your triggers, your desire to run away when things get a bit heated.
All of this is perfectly solvable - in fact, it can be quite easy when you know how.
The key thing is - to figure out how.
:) Which is precisely what I can help you with.
Not only do I help folks with communication scripts that make conflict feel like a comfortable part of their relational growth and deepening connection, but I help folks overcome their internal fears, anxieties, blocks and worries - the deeper things making them afraid of conflict in the first place.
I also help them get clarity on what they really need, so that when they are asking their partner for something - it’s that much clearer and accurate. They can finally be understood.
All of this is far more effective than traditional talk therapy, because I work with the nervous system, the body, and the subconscious mind - which is where the real crux of change happens.
Your conscious mind - which we use in talk therapy - is only 3–5% of your brain and what creates your reality, whilst your subconscious is that other 95–97%. That is where we work - so we get to the root cause of your fear and discomfort, fast.
So what happens when you finally overcome your fear of conflict?
You stop walking on eggshells.
You stop second-guessing what you’re allowed to feel.
You start speaking clearly, calmly, and with precision.
You get your needs met - or know when they’re not able to be.
You stop being afraid of the very thing that could build real intimacy.
You get stronger, gain more power, and become a better version of yourself.
The overall outcome is a fantastic relationship you're actually excited and happy to be in, one that is growing and evolving healthily - not a resentful one that’s slowly but surely heading towards divorce.
If you’re ready to step up into your full potential and create the life and love life of your dreams, where nothing holds you back and you’re truly fearless - message me privately here and I’ll be glad to help you.
We can do this together pretty quickly - you just need to step up and start.
If you want more information, check out my main page for videos on how I work - dig in and look around! There's lots there for you to digest.
