"You're so unkind to me; you don't love me". Ever been told this by your partner?
Does your partner accuse you of being unloving and unkind, even though you’re trying extremely hard in the relationship?
Perhaps you’re doing your best to give them attention, validation, respect and kindness (even though you are struggling yourself)
And yet your partner say that you’re not doing enough, that you're the problem, maybe you’re yelling (even though you don’t think you are), that you’re invalidating their feelings, that you don’t get it.
So quite frankly, you feel ignored and unappreciated.
You feel misunderstood and confused.
How is it that whatever you try to do doesn’t seem to be enough?
Well, if this is happening, there’s likely two things at play here:
You’ve internalized the script that you're always at fault. So much so, you’re questioning your reality. And that’s actually not accountability, but you gaslighting yourself because you have a ton of subconscious blocks that are preventing you from having a healthy self esteem that would stand up to your partner.
You and your partner are like ships in the night with understanding, because of these subconscious blocks, so they feel unseen and unheard, you feel misunderstood, and you both end up in a dysfunctional dance of gridlock problems.
In both instances, the root cause of the problem is these subconscious blocks - both yours, and your partners.
And until you identify what those are, and clear those out at the root cause level, they’re going to stay festering inside of you and making things much harder than they need to be.
Now, when it comes to you, you can take ownership and accountability over your blocks and start to clear those out yourself. All you need to do is acknowledge that there’s a problem, decide you want to improve things and level up your life, and then find professional support to do that (I can help you).
When it comes to your partner, it might feel like a trickier situation - because how can you get your partner to change?
They aren’t going to go to couples counselling, and even if they did, it probably won’t work because they refuse to see your perspective and take any accountability, right?
Well here’s where it gets interesting:
Because all the studies show that when YOU change how you show up in that relationship - because you clear out your subconscious blocks, you take ownership over your side of the street, you clear things up - YOU become different.
And when you are different, your partner inevitably has a different person to respond to.
So the whole cocktail, the mix inside the relationship changes.
You’re no longer being your ‘old’ self - you’re being a ‘new’ you, a better you, a more empowered, healthier, more secure, more happy version of you -
And your partner will receive that, and respond to that.
So hey presto, the relationship will change too.
And here’s where it gets even more interesting.
Because at this point, you will see quite clearly, from this positive new vantage point as this positive new version of you, things very clearly.
Who your partner is, how they now respond to you, whether they are stepping up, whether they are inspired to also change like you - or whether they collapse, refuse, and stay stuck.
All the science shows that growth mindset and accepting your partners influence, i.e. being able to change, is one of the biggest indicators of long term happiness in a couple.
So you get to see this with your partner, without having to even ask them to do anything or do any couples counseling - it happens naturally.
And at the end of it, YOU come out of things as the best version of yourself.
So whether you stay with them because they step up and your relationship transforms into something magical and wonderful (which it does, for 7 out of 10 folks I work with), or you decide to leave because you realise you can do better…
YOU end up coming out on top.
YOU get a win win.
Ultimately, you deserve to have a happy, loving, secure relationship - and it is available to you.
You can be happy.
So if you are ready to step up and figure out the truth of what’s between you both, and become the best version of yourself, then I can help you.
Just message me privately and I'll be glad to learn more about your situation, and then walk you through my methodology.
