“I’ve lost the spark and attraction with my partner. What do I do?” Here’s why - and what to do about it.

Firstly, know that you’re not alone.

Many high-functioning professionals I work with share a common complaint:

"We used to have chemistry.

Now it just feels flat. We’re like co-parents, friends, and it’s not exciting anymore.

I just don’t feel attracted to my partner."

For some, the relationship has lasted a decade or more.

For others, the decline came faster.

Either way, the spark is gone, and they’re wondering if that means the love is too.

Is it possible to no longer be attracted to their partner?

Were they ever really?

Is it time to end things?

Or are they the problem and they’re somehow sabotaging things?

And these folks are highly capable, high-achieving, smart professionals who are able to figure most things out - yet this, their romantic life, their marriage, feels uncertain.

Now, blaming the relationship makes sense - but in my experience, the problem isn’t always the partner.

The problem, in most cases, is the lack of investment.

Most people - even smart, talented, high functioning professionals - have been conditioned by culture to believe that attraction will sustain itself.

It doesn't.

We have been fed a lie.

Attraction and intimacy are outcomes of effort.

They're not default settings, and you are not entitled to them - nor is your relationship.

Even if you had wild chemistry or attraction at the start - it will fade. Always.

Not because you aren’t compatible, but because that’s what happens when real life takes hold and you feel safe together. That's what happens when you stop performing for each other, when you get comfortable, safe, and lean into your authentic, relaxed, true selves. It is normal, and it is healthy.

But it does mean that you need to step up.

And here are two areas where people tend to fail - and go passive:

• They stop taking responsibility for themselves - and investing in themselves.

And by that, I mean:

• Taking ownership of how they might be contributing to the relationship negatively

• Avoiding their own emotional baggage.

• Denying their unmet needs.

• Letting unresolved resentment take root.

You’ll know you’re here if:

• Conflict feels like it’s on repeat - even looking at your partner seems to trigger a conflict.

• You’re easily triggered. Or they are. Or you both are.

• You feel like you need space just to breathe, time to be alone.

• You feel irritated by your partner, frustrated, tired.

• Conversations feel logistical, transactional, and void of any real connection.

What’s happening here, 9 times out of 10, is that you’ve become safe with your partner (which is healthy and normal, you’ve been together for a while) and your own internal emotional ‘stuff’ - those blocks I talk about in my podcast, writing, and work - have come up.

Because they always do.

And now they're leaking all over your relationship.

Which is all quite normal, but dangerous if left unregulated.

And needless to say, they kill attraction.

• They stop investing in the relationship.

A lot of people do this.

Think of your relationship like a fire.

You wouldn’t expect a fire to keep burning without oxygen, would you?

Yet most people assume their relationship should keep glowing without air, fuel, or flame.

Esther Perel calls this the “eroticism of the everyday.” The small, often overlooked rituals and exchanges that keep intimacy alive.

But when you treat the relationship like background noise to your busy career, your children, your gym routine, your neverending to do list…

It fades.

So when clients ask me: "Should I stay or should I go?"

My answer is: Start with the real question.

"Have I invested fully in this?”

“Have I put 100% into reviving this?”

“Can I honestly say I’ve taken ownership of MY stuff and cleared MY blocks, and learned how to revive the relationship?”

Because staying in limbo - where you’re emotionally half-in, half-out - is the fastest way to kill not just the relationship, but your sense of self.

It’s corrosive, wastes years of your life, and damages your self esteem.

If you don’t want to end up feeling miserable and weak within yourself, and you DO want to turn this around, here’s what needs to happen:

• Start with yourself. Get radically honest about the emotional baggage you’re bringing into the relationship. We almost all have it. Take accountability, and clean it up.

• Get clear on needs. Yours, theirs. Without clarity on your needs, you’ll keep fumbling around in the dark trying to make yourself feel happy and failing because you’re blind to how.

• Reignite connection consciously. That means learning new strategies. Touchpoints, boundaries, communication, intimacy. In a genuine, authentic way.

Now, reading a book won’t do this for you.

Podcasts won’t either.

Why? Because those work only with your conscious mind - which is 3-5% of your brain. Studies show people retain less than 2% of what they read or listen to…and then truthfully, none of it goes into your subconscious, that other 95-97% of your brain which is where the magic happens.

And guess what, your relational patterns all live in the subconscious. So does your emotional baggage, so does the part of you that creates intimacy.

You can’t ‘logic’ your way into new chemistry.

And before you ask, no - asking ChatGPT won’t solve this either. Because this work is deeply personal.

You need hands on, embodied, and customised support that penetrates through your own blind spots.

The kind that gets to the root of your problems fast.

The kind that’s built on science, not nice 10 minute clickbait platitudes designed for social media and grabbing our attention.

Which is where I come in.

I provide confidential counsel, strategy, and guidance for high-performing professionals navigating intimate relationship challenges.

This is a proven science backed methodology for high-level decision-making support, subconscious mind rewiring, nervous system healing, and intimacy building - so you can have more trust, freedom, connection, love and joy in your life.

We work on:

• Clearing emotional baggage so it disappears - for good

• Rebuilding self-trust so you know exactly what you need and that it's valid, healthy, and coming from an empowered place

• Creating a solid forward plan so that you can create the life and love you deserve

If you're ready to start leading in your personal life as much as your professional one:

Message me.

I will be glad to share more about my methodology with you and help you live the life and love of your dreams.