Blog Posts
4 things that will explain how your relationships will pan out...
You’ve mastered your work life. You’ve built structure, predictability, control.
You’ve got your money, your home, your set up -
Buuuuut your love life doesn’t seem to be as straightforward.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in relationships where you felt smothered, drained, or suffocated - despite loving the person.
Maybe you’re now married to them and find yourself really enjoying your space, or sleeping in separate beds (because you work long hours, right? ;) )
Or maybe you’ve been the one doing all the chasing, showing up more, doing more, giving them more …and essentially constantly trying to prove you’re enough for someone who never quite met you halfway. Yikes.
Or maybe you’ve felt generally fine - until intimacy started to deepen… and then you pulled away. And now you’re in a committed relationship, and you find yourself moving between wanting to be with them and feeling good, and then wanting to burn things down to the ground and get away from it all.
My friends, this is not random, nor is it just your “bad luck” - or something you can’t control.
Why do we divorce? Here’s the main reason
80% of divorces happen because of a slow and steady emotional disconnect over the years.
NOT because of drama and conflict.
Or infidelity.
Or ‘money’.
Just a slow and steady decline.
Two people, living separate lives over the years. Disengaged.
The reason this is so prevalent isn’t because people just ‘grow apart’.
In my experience, it’s typically because most people are so focused on their careers and chasing money, and then kids and raising a family, that they lose sight of each other.
It’s an issue of neglect.
Why are you walking around on eggshells so much?
If you often find yourself walking on eggshells around your partner because you’re so used to the smallest comment spiraling into a full blown conflict…
…then one solution for you is to get really clear on what your unmet needs are.
Because the actual substance of the fight is almost always never the real issue.
(Last time I had a fight with my husband it was about lentils being put to boil. Let me tell you, it was NOT about the lentils)
What was it about?
I was feeling burned out and tired, and my need for safety, trust, and feeling held was far from met.
Most conflict - especially that chronic, easy-to-trigger kind -
Is built on a hotbed of unmet emotional needs, unprocessed pain, and stories you don’t even realize you’re still carrying.
The biggest threat to your bottom line isn’t the market or your strategy - it’s your relationships.
Fun fact:
In addition to my private client work with individuals on their romantic and relational challenges…
I also support leadership teams inside high-growth, fast-paced companies - especially the ones who look strong on paper, but are running on fumes and unraveling under extreme pressure as they scale.
Because, surprise surprise, relational science shows that your personal wiring around relationships and attachment is so much more than just how you are in your private life.
It 100% shows up in how you are with your executive team.
It 100% shows up in how you are with your leadership.
It 100% shows up in how you are with your business.
And if that wiring is insecure, reactive, or overloaded…
It will 100% wreck your ability to scale and succeed long term - sustainably, effectively, and efficiently.
It 100% affects your company’s bottom line.
How can I clear resentment between me and my partner?
The longer we have been together with someone, the more likely it seems that we are going to have some resentment for each other. It doesn’t always have to be the case, but it sadly often is.
I see this especially in couples who are busy, working long hours, traveling extensively, and finding themselves locked into tight schedules where there is little time to spend ‘processing’ and ‘wallowing’ in their feelings.
In fact, if you’re a career driven professional, you have very little bandwidth indeed to waste on figuring these things out, and so it's inevitable that over time small injuries will accrue and turn into large resentments. This is precisely why I specialize in working with career-driven executives and entrepreneurs who work long hours, run tight schedules, and don’t have time for endless years of therapy ‘processing’ their feelings.
What is the number 1 hack to building your best relationship yet?
You asked…and I’ve delivered!
I am so thrilled to announce something very exciting that I know lots of you have been waiting for.
And if you’re feeling disappointed with your relationship…
….and unsure why you’re feeling so disappointed, alone, and unsupported…
…having to make all the big decisions in your relationship, like you have to lead things alone, shoulder the weight of it all, and make all the effort…
…and you desperately wanting things to be better
Because you love your partner, and ultimately, you want to fix things
But you don’t want to have to drag them to marriage counseling or do tons more therapy…
…then this is for you.
5 tips for improving the quality of your marriage or long-term relationship…even if you’re a busy, career-driven professional working 10+ hour days.
Virtually every client I work with works super long hours.
Founder of multiple businesses.
CHRO of a global investment bank.
Hollywood Film Director.
Managing Director of a retail bank.
Vegan food founder.
And every client wants to have a happy, healthy, true love relationship with their partner and to live a full life.
I did too.
I’ve always been a high achiever, working long hours, not because I ‘needed’ to, but because I’ve always loved my work.
I’ve always had a passion and drive to achieve, to build, to create, to make manifest what I know is possible for me.
So I can get lost into 10 hour days without even realising it.
How can I end the feeling of uncertainty and indecision in my relationship?
One of the hardest things we can experience in a relationship is the feeling of uncertainty and indecision. When we feel stuck in a state of limbo, unable to move forward and relax into the relationship, or unable to exit and start our life anew, we can feel trapped.
It can feel exhausting, in fact.
“I don’t have time to look at my relationship” - Why the myth of ‘not having enough time’ is a dangerous one.
If you’re anything like most people you have focused on your professional life - and your love life has always been a bit confusing and vague.
A mythic, romantic, enigma.
You’ve tried to understand it.
You’ve done some therapy or counseling, read blogs, listened to podcasts, and whatever other things you’ve done to try to heal your relationships.
It can feel chaotic and stressful to be honest.
A bit all over the place.
4 signs you’re potentially self-sabotaging your relationship…and would benefit from doing some inner work
This is an unconscious pattern of self abandonment that stems from fearing abandonment and therefore, being addicted, unconsciously, to that very same pattern. This NEEDS to change if you want to see the truth of your relationship. Because when you transform this pattern, you step up into your potential to ask for what you want and need, for what you deserve, and actually communicate that effectively…so that they can hear it. You also create healthy boundaries that mean you stop tolerating bad behavior which increases the chances of them giving you good behavior.
5 reasons why you aren’t attracting (or already in) a healthy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship
Whether you’re single and have been struggling for years to find the right match for you, or you’re in a long term relationship (or marriage) but are feeling unfulfilled in it…it may be that you are blocking yourself unconsciously from having exactly what you want.
This isn’t to say you’re doing it consciously or that it’s somehow your fault - we all have blockers and blind spots that we aren’t aware of, and that we gained as children (without realizing it or choosing it).
So if you ARE blocking yourself, rest assured you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Not at all.
3 Reasons why your relationship isn’t working for you
Being in relationship limbo and not knowing whether to stay or go is one of the hardest, and most debilitating places to be.
Going slightly crazy, your mind constantly going back and forth, deliberating over what to do, what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with the relationship, what’s wrong with them.
Googling for answers, trawling through internet forums trying to see if other people have felt this way. Talking to friends, watching reality TV shows about love and trying to see if other people have been through similar dilemmas.
Why do I keep attracting the same type of person in my romantic relationships?
These patterns that you keep seeing - the pattern of emotional unavailability, drama, stress, anxiety, feeling like you’re low priority for someone, feeling like you’re stuck in limbo, feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster of receiving hot and cold love from someone…
Where you’re constantly feeling anxious, you find yourself ruminating, thinking a lot, worrying, debating what to do, debating what to say, going back and forth…
Where you find yourself second-guessing yourself, doubting yourself, and wondering what’s the ‘right’ thing to do…
I’ve tried tons of things to help me improve my personal life, my relationships. Why is nothing working?
I had this too.
I spent WELL over $40k in the past decade, and way more than that in the past 15 years looking for answers. I was lucky that I grew up in a personal development household where investing into these things was seen as a healthy thing to do…but honestly, I was almost a little bit addicted. Always looking for that next fix…
…and yet, nothing really DID fix me, not fully.
Why do I keep attracting the same type of person in my romantic relationships?
I hear it all the time from clients:
“I keep attracting emotionally unavailable women. They show interest in me initially and pursue me, but as soon as we get close or a real relationship starts to form, they start to lose interest and things fizzle out”.
“I keep attracting women who shut down when the going gets tough, and either they walk away, avoid hard conversations, get defensive, or throw it back in my face”.
“I keep attracting men who give me just breadcrumbs of affection and don’t give me what I really want and need…but I can’t seem to stop being attracted to them”.
“I keep attracting men who pursue me at the beginning and are super romantic, giving me flowers, taking me on dates, and doing everything that I want, but then I find out that they’re actually in a relationship with someone else - or they just disappear”.
These patterns that you keep seeing - the pattern of emotional unavailability, drama, stress, anxiety, feeling like you’re low priority for someone, feeling like you’re stuck in limbo, feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster of receiving hot and cold love from someone…
Where you’re constantly feeling anxious, you find yourself ruminating, thinking a lot, worrying, debating what to do, debating what to say, going back and forth…
Where you find yourself second-guessing yourself, doubting yourself, and wondering what’s the ‘right’ thing to do…
Should I leave my partner? How to know what to do when the stakes are high, and you’re feeling stuck in limbo.
When the stakes are high, and you’ve spent a few years…even decades with this person, it can feel utterly paralysing to contemplate leaving everything you have built with them behind.
I’ve tried tons of things to help me improve my personal life, my relationships. Why is nothing working?
I get it. I really, really do. This used to be me.
This is what I call the ‘scatter-gun approach’. Where we get sucked into all these magical silver bullet solutions that are apparently going to help us, and so we throw money at the problem, trusting it’ll fix us, fix the situation, and get us to where we want to get to.
And we DO want to find love. We DO want to find that special person, and to have that meaningful relationship. We do.
We just don't know if it’s going to actually happen for us. Because surely, by now, something should have worked?
Why most dating and relationship advice you’ll see out there is garbage - and how I can help you unlock your full relationship potential
I discovered this the hard way. Both when I was single throughout my 20s and early 30s, and when I was both in my painful first engagement, trying desperately to figure out what the heck was happening that made me feel so bad. I was a wizard at looking for online support. Trust me.
As someone who had grown up reading most of the self-help books out there (I was 12 years old when I read Susan Jeffers ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway guide to love’), and having worked in behavioral science, I had tons of resources at my fingertips. When instagram became a thing, I was a pro at trawling through endless relationship and dating coaches, screenshotting their tidbits of advice, and passive aggressively sending them to my partner at the time trying to make things better (terrible). I got into podcasts, listening to ones aimed at women, aimed at men, both, and doing my best to arm myself with knowledge and wisdom that would help me find the One. I was hooked on reality TV shows, Sex and the City, and whatever else I could binge on that would help me understand ‘love’.
The Successful Executive and Entrepreneur’s Achilles Heel: Why You're Single and How Behavioral Science Can Help You
Here's the truth, many successful executives, entrepreneurs, and go-getters find themselves single well into their 40s and 50s. It's a paradox, right? You've mastered the art of building something substantial in your work life, yet creating a fulfilling romantic partnership feels frustratingly elusive.
You work hard, you apply yourself. You’ve gone to therapy, listened to some podcasts, read a few books. You’ve heard about Attachment styles and love languages, you’ve watched some YouTube dating bloggers and you learned a lot from your ex partners. You’ve had some long-term relationships and you feel pretty experienced in the relationship world.
Successful professionals, let's talk ROI: Why investing into your love life is a power move for your career
You’re a successful professional. You've spent your life working hard, achieving, go-getting, and being a good student of your career. You’ve invested into it, and invested into yourself.
Your 20s and 30s were a flurry of endless board meetings, deals, and sitting in offices with ever-increasingly better panoramic views. You also had a personal life that you thoroughly enjoyed: you travelled a lot, you saw the world, you had your adventures. You also achieved a heck of a lot of success. And honestly, whilst you would love to have achieved more (because, is it ever enough? ;)), you’re proud of yourself. You know you’re tenacious, hardworking, and still have a LOT ahead of you.
But lately, all of this feels a little…empty. You're a powerhouse at work, but your personal life has recently felt more and more like some sort of neglected side hustle. It’s not going too well. And it’s a bit…well, flat.