Blog Posts
“My partner doesn’t care about my interests?They get defensive, shut down, and snub me?” Here’s why and what to do.
Aren’t you kind of annoyed when your partner shows no interest in the things that YOU’RE interested in?
Especially the things that involve mental and spiritual growth, the things that change you as a person?
After all, you show interest in THEIR hobbies, activities, and what they’re reading or working on.
You make a real effort to stay up to date with them on things, ask questions, and be engaged.
But when it comes to you - they snub your interests.
If you try to share about a personal development book you read, or the retreat you want to go on, for example, they don't really respond, or engage, or even worse, they get defensive and seem to perceive it as an attack.
Which is baffling to you, because surely your growth should be something that they care about?
“I’ve lost the spark and attraction with my partner. What do I do?” Here’s why - and what to do about it.
Firstly, know that you’re not alone.
Many high-functioning professionals I work with share a common complaint:
"We used to have chemistry.
Now it just feels flat. We’re like co-parents, friends, and it’s not exciting anymore.
I just don’t feel attracted to my partner."
For some, the relationship has lasted a decade or more.
For others, the decline came faster.
Either way, the spark is gone, and they’re wondering if that means the love is too.
Is it possible to no longer be attracted to their partner?
Were they ever really?
Is it time to end things?
Or are they the problem and they’re somehow sabotaging things?
And these folks are highly capable, high-achieving, smart professionals who are able to figure most things out - yet this, their romantic life, their marriage, feels uncertain.
Now, blaming the relationship makes sense - but in my experience, the problem isn’t always the partner.
4 things that will explain how your relationships will pan out...
You’ve mastered your work life. You’ve built structure, predictability, control.
You’ve got your money, your home, your set up -
Buuuuut your love life doesn’t seem to be as straightforward.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in relationships where you felt smothered, drained, or suffocated - despite loving the person.
Maybe you’re now married to them and find yourself really enjoying your space, or sleeping in separate beds (because you work long hours, right? ;) )
Or maybe you’ve been the one doing all the chasing, showing up more, doing more, giving them more …and essentially constantly trying to prove you’re enough for someone who never quite met you halfway. Yikes.
Or maybe you’ve felt generally fine - until intimacy started to deepen… and then you pulled away. And now you’re in a committed relationship, and you find yourself moving between wanting to be with them and feeling good, and then wanting to burn things down to the ground and get away from it all.
My friends, this is not random, nor is it just your “bad luck” - or something you can’t control.
Should I leave my partner? How to know what to do when the stakes are high, and you’re feeling stuck in limbo.
When the stakes are high, and you’ve spent a few years…even decades with this person, it can feel utterly paralysing to contemplate leaving everything you have built with them behind.