Have you outgrown your relationship? Here's why you might feel that, and what to do.

Have you outgrown your relationship?

If you know that your relationship isn’t working.

Because you haven’t been intimate in months.

And you’d rather be alone than in the same room together.

And whilst you’re unsure how you got here… - you feel in your gut: something has to change…

Here’s a possibility worth considering:

What if the disconnection you’re feeling isn’t actually about growing apart… But about outgrowing a bond that was never truly built on genuine emotional connection in the first place?

Because here’s what often happens with high functioning professionals - especially those who married young or during times of emotional instability.

You can unknowingly form a relationship that’s rooted in survival, rather than shared values and genuine compatibility.

This is what psychologists refer to as a trauma bond.

A trauma bond is not about being in an abusive relationship or about some sort of traumatising connection - not in the way most people think.

It’s very often about you being subconsciously attracted to what you never got in childhood.

(And/or what was familiar for you in childhood, but that’s not what I’m exploring here).

For example, if you grew up around emotional neglect, inconsistency, or environments where your needs weren’t prioritized, your body and mind may have been conditioned to seek out relationships that felt stable and safe - but not actually compatible with you.

You are drawn to the person because they feel stable and safe - not because you are in love with them.

So, at some point, your partner may have seemed like the antidote to that turbulent, inconsistent childhood you had.

Maybe they are calm, responsible, nicely predictable.

A good parent to your kids.

But now, years later - with more self-awareness, emotional maturity, and financial independence - you’re starting to see that you’re not al that compatible, or you don’t have all that much in common.

So now, you feel a bit disconnected and confused.

Because maybe not attracted to them anymore, or you’re wondering…is this it?

And since you’re no longer surviving (you’re not a young adult anymore looking for safety and that stable parent figure), you’ve changed and grown, but the relationship hasn’t.

So you might be partnered with someone who’s perfectly decent—a good parent, loyal, stable.

But they don’t truly get you.

And now you feel unseen, misunderstood, and unfulfilled.

This is actually why a lot of marriages started in people’s 20s, end.

And why marriages started in their 30s, last.

But this doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed. And it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your - or your partners fault.

What it does mean is, that the work begins with you.

Before you decide to leave - or commit to staying - you need clarity about what is actually going on, and whether you two are actually compatible long term.

So here’s what I help my clients do:

1. Diagnose the real issue – Is this about your partner, or is it your past? Are you in a trauma bond, are you self-gaslighting, or genuinely unsupported?

2. Clear emotional blocks – So you stop recreating old dynamics and start responding from a place of genuine power and authenticity, not old pain.

3. Reconnect with your needs – The ones you’ve dismissed, suppressed, or labeled as "unreasonable."

4. Create a strategy – Whether it’s rebuilding the relationship or planning a conscious exit, you’ll know exactly what to do next.

You deserve more than uncertainty, and you deserve to feel at ease in your own home. You also deserve to feel clear, seen, loved and wanted - not just needed.

If that sounds like what you’re ready for, send me a private message with the word READY and we’ll start the conversation - discreetly of course.