You ignoring your unhappy marriage is costing you more than divorce ever could. Here’s why.
We live in an avoidant society - one that rewards distraction, celebrates detachment, and pathologizes being actually happy and relaxed in life.
It’s seen as being boring. Losing your edge.
Instead, we're taught to drive, optimize, perform, push through, and aim high...
But never to pause and confront, or be content with 'being' or resting.
We get quick dopamine hits from social media, buying things, getting wins at work…
But difficult conversations, confronting hard emotions, are outsourced to therapists, numbed with alcohol, or buried under to-do lists. Or, god forbid, vented out to ChatGPT (honestly, lord help us all).
Intimacy is something we’re notoriously afraid of (and AI is only making this worse). And given we frame breakdowns in our relationship these days as “burnout” or "exhaustion" from life, rather than clear indicators of deeper issues....
We've got a problem.
It’s easier to stay busy than to get honest.
Avoidance is culturally reinforced. And it’s costing people the very thing they’re working so hard to protect: happiness, freedom, and peace.
Here’s why ignoring your unhappy marriage is going to cost you a LOT more than a divorce:
1. Poor relationships increase your risk of early death by 45%
According to a meta-analysis by Holt-Lunstad et al. (2010), amongst other studies, people in chronically stressful or disconnected relationships have a 45% higher risk of premature death. That’s comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day!
An unhappy marriage is literally biologically wearing you down.
Stress turns into chronic inflammation, cortisol dysregulation, and burnout. When you stay unhappy with your partner, you’re literally shaving years off your life… and no prenup protects against that.
2. Marital stress increases your risk of heart disease by 34%
A study published in the Journal of the American Heart Association found that people in high-conflict marriages were 34% more likely to develop heart problems than those in healthy relationships.
The truth is, you wouldn’t ignore chronic chest pain, yet you normalize emotional stress and resentment for decades. Your relationship isn’t separate from your health, it IS your health.
3. Conflictual marriages damage work performance more than divorce
Research from the University of Chicago found that workers in unhappy marriages reported lower job satisfaction, lower productivity, and higher absenteeism than those who were divorced.
: The mental load of “should I stay or go?”, that awful limbo, creates a lack of focus and exhaustion. You can’t make sharp business decisions when you’re emotionally spent from your life at home.
4. Staying for the kids can do more damage than separating
A longitudinal study from the University of Cambridge found that children raised in high-conflict households showed more long-term psychological distress than children of divorced parents in low-conflict households.
Protecting your kids doesn’t mean suffering through or performing for a token marriage. It means modeling healthy behaviors, self esteem, calm, and emotional self-leadership, even if that means leaving.
5. The average cost of an unhappy marriage: $100k+ in lost income and healthcare
While the average divorce costs ~$15,000–$30,000, multiple studies suggest that the long-term costs of an unhappy marriage, including lost productivity, medical bills, therapy, medication, can exceed six figures over time.
You might think you are, but you’re not saving money by staying. You’re bleeding yourself dry, in ways that don’t show up as a line item… until you wake up one day and realise you have to sell your home, move out, and the cost has already been dragging on for decades.
It’s such a common fallacy to think that you can suffer through a marriage, it’ll get better, and you’re avoiding a divorce - but the reality is you’re just boiling yourself in a pot of hot water, without realising it, slowly dying.
It’s not worth it.
It’s ALWAYS better to confront things.
Because at least then, you stand a chance at improving them.
At least then, you are able to become the driver of your life.
If you’re ready to step up and start being the agent and actor in your life, rather than the passive bystander watching it slowly fall apart, I’ve got you.
I’ve helped hundreds of folks in your position (successful professional struggling in dysfunctional marriage) and I can help you.
And the best thing is, I can help you alone - without having to drag your partner into this.
Just message me today.
Or watch this video for more info: www.successfullyinlove.com/litestimonial
