How do I file for divorce?

If this is what you’re considering for the new year, then this is for you.

January is known as ‘divorce month’, when the rates spike after the holidays.

If this is the question you’re asking, then please know this:

It’s still not too late.

In my experience, it takes just 90 days of diligent focus and wanting to improve your marriage to drastically and dramatically turn things around.

Because surely you want to know that you gave this your best shot, put your all into it, and really tried before you pull the plug?

And what if you don’t even need to pull the plug?

Because walking away prematurely is a decision you can’t undo.

And most high performers regret the mess they didn’t need to make, once the dust settles.

Now to be clear, this is NOT about staying at all costs.

It’s about being sure you’ve examined the full picture, yours, theirs, and the marriage container itself.

So the first step to doing all of this is always to start with yourself, and to go inward.

The first question you need to ask yourself is:

Where could I possibly be negatively contributing to my experience in this relationship, through no fault of my own?

For example, where might my old wounds, patterns, previous experiences where I still feel hurt or upset be flaring up unconsciously, making me see things in a more negative light?

Your brain filters information through the Reticular Activating System (RAS).

Think of it like a private algorithm, it highlights what it already believes to be true based on past experiences.

So if you’re unconsciously expecting rejection, failure, or emotional neglect, you’ll spot those patterns more readily, even if they’re not happening the way you think they are.

This is all unconscious and it’s just how you are wired. 

It’s innocent, but ultimately it’s very destructive to your relationship.

And it’s also why two people can have the same conversation and hear entirely different things.

So what this means is that, through no fault of your own, you may be simply not seeing things accurately.

And you don’t need trauma with a capital T to be doing this. It can be very, very subtle.

Then, the second step is to clear out these blocks.

This is to recondition your mind to rewire it.

You do this by firstly knowing what the blocks are, and then secondly, using subconscious mind techniques (which I specialize in) to clear out the dregs.

Once these blocks are gone, you should be feeling much lighter, clearer, and able to see the relationship much better.

You may even decide to stay in your marriage at this point alone!

Also, the way you show up shifts. Once the blocks are gone, you’ll be able to set boundaries calmly, communicate your needs without blame, be less defensive and so on.

This alone often elicits a different response from your partner, not always, but often.

And sometimes, that’s all it takes to reignite the relationship.

The third step is to get really clear on what you need to be happy long-term and start incorporating that into your marriage.

Wants are surface-level: more sex, more appreciation, more conversation. Needs go deeper: emotional safety, intellectual partnership, shared values.

But most people can’t access what they truly need until they’ve cleared what they’re unconsciously afraid to ask for. They keep solving for superficial wants, and this keeps them stuck.

When you see your needs clearly, you stop gaslighting yourself into settling. And you start having a clear direction on where you want the relationship to go.

The fourth step, if things aren’t already rosy and amazing at this point, is to implement science-backed strategies to reignite intimacy.

These may include ritualized connection points, mastering “stress-reducing conversation” to protect emotional safety, getting good at repair attempts that actually land, because they’re grounded in what works and creating a united vision and purpose - as well as others.

All of this is perfectly doable in 90 days, if you roll your sleeves up, requiring maybe 60–90 minutes a week. Which really, over 3 months, is more than worth it if you want to save yourself the cost of a divorce and trauma on your children (not to mention your own trauma and the cost of damage to your reputation).

It’s worth a shot, right?

If this feels like something you're ready to step up and into, message me today.

I have two spots for December.

Message me today.

Hugs, Katarina