Why has the passion and spark left my relationship? Here are 5 reasons.
Are you feeling like all the passion and spark has left your long-term relationship?
Perhaps you’ve been together a long time, things are solid, you’re good friends, great parents, and have a great partnership.
There is nothing wrong on the surface, it's a very good and loving relationship.
But the passion and unfortunately with it, the sx has gone?
If so, I am willing to bet that you CAN reclaim it and get it back. But it won’t be through couples counseling or you finding a therapist to talk about this with.
It’ll be through a series of internal work, processing, and clearing that you get to do alone, without having to drag your partner into it, because so much of the reasons behind your lack of passion will be starting with…YOU.
Here’s what I mean:
You have unconscious blocks around intimacy & worthiness
More often than not, it’s not about your partner - it’s about what’s unresolved inside of you. If you carry old beliefs about not being “good enough” or not feeling fully safe in intimacy, on an unconscious level, those hidden blocks can drain attraction and make sex feel heavy instead of exciting. These need to be cleared before passion can return. This starts with you and is your job to solve for - not your partners. And I will tell you now, most people have some level of blockage around intimacy and worthiness, it’s not just you. But the people who have the richest marriage, the most passionate love life, the greatest joy - these are people who have cleared their own blocks and have surrendered, fully, to the relationship and feel safe within it. They are able to show up fully, feel secure, feel relaxed, and are able to be 100% successfully in love - not held back by invisible blocks like most of the population.
Built-up resentment
Even small unspoken frustrations over the years, who does what around the house, how effort is shown, or feeling unseen in certain ways, can pile up over time. Resentment erodes desire. Once the emotional spark goes, the physical spark often follows. This is extremely common - and again, the vast chunk of processing this is something you have to do yourself. Trying to rehash old arguments with your partner isn’t helpful unless you’ve addressed it yourself first, taken away the charge, and feel clear about it. You have to deal with this yourself, first.
Comfort has replaced polarity
A strong friendship and partnership is invaluable - it’s the foundation of a happy, healthy, marriage. But when roles blur and there’s no contrast, no tension between masculine/feminine energy, no edge, the erotic charge fades. What’s safe can also feel flat. This is where you get to lean into your own masculinity or femininity, bring some healthy polarity to the mix - and again, guess what, this is something that you can practice and channel alone. You do not need your partner when practising this, because ultimately your partner will be inspired to level up and meet you when you do this anyway. It’s much less about coercing and cajoling them, and more about you inspiring them with your polarity.
Avoidance of the deeper conversations
Talking “around” the problem isn’t the same as tackling it directly. Saying “we should try harder” without specific actions, new experiences, or structured support keeps you both stuck in cycles of false starts. Frankly, this is where most people end up. And then because no one is actually dealing with the deeper issue, blame starts to get piled on - and before you know it, you’re deep in resentment territory (see point 2). Avoidance is also, typically, a symptom of a deeper block. Are you avoidant about other areas in your life? If so, you will want to tackle this head on because it’s blocking you - from passion, from intimacy, from progress.
Identity growth outpacing relationship growth
Over ten years, both of you have changed. If the relationship hasn’t evolved at the same pace, emotionally, sexually, or personally, you may now be out of sync. That disconnect shows up most clearly in the bedroom. Now, what is often happening here, is that the first years of your relationship you were in the honeymoon phase - everything was easy - but now you’re either in power struggle (I have a great podcast episode on this here) and this is where your hidden blocks are surfacing. A common block I see amongst high achieving professionals is that deep down, they feel alone and misunderstood. This is partly why they work so hard, and are so ambitious - because climbing the ladder, accruing wealth, status, success, gives clear meaning, comfort, and power. It's understood by society. But these deeper wounds can flare up horribly in your relationship and leave you feeling like your partner doesn’t understand you and you are alone in the relationship. So you feel you’ve outgrown your partner, or they don’t understand you, and you are somehow different to them. And thus…you isolate yourself, don’t share with them, and then feel even more that you have outgrown your partner. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. You haven’t really, it’s just you feel that way and because you feel and believe things are that way, you do things that confirm your beliefs.
So what do you do with all of these?
Will, you accept that whilst a lot of these things are not your fault, they ARE your responsibility to work through.
So start working through them!
Whilst it might feel scary and overwhelming (where do I start?!) it's not that bad.
What you need to do is:
Identify the hidden blocks and whats happening
Clear out the causes at the root - so they go away for good
Identify what you need to have real passion and fire in your relationship
Apply strategies to creating this
If this sounds like a lot, I hear you - which is why I have created a step by step methodology to help you do this.
The best thing is, with my process, you can move through it in 90 days - which is a very short amount of time for folks who have been sxless or unhappy for years!
You CAN reclaim the fire and intimacy with your partner, you just need to clear the blocks to it - and I can help you.
If you want to learn more about the methodology, and how it works, message me today.
