Is My Relationship Worth Saving? 5 Signs Your Relationship Might Be Over - and What to Do About It

As we recover from the busiest week of the year, the pressure to ‘hold it together’ has intensified.

You’ve got family to deal with, travel, end of year deadlines…and then the pressure to be all ‘happy happy’ with your loved one. 

Yet you don’t really feel that, right?

If you’ve found yourself feeling tense, distracted, or emotionally flooded as the holidays approach, please know you’re not alone.

And tension doesn’t always mean it’s over.

Here are five signs your relationship may be unraveling… and what to do if you’re not ready to let it go.

1. You don’t argue anymore. You’re both just…disengaged entirely.

If you’re not fighting, then you’re not actually connecting.

You’re just coexisting - floating through the holidays like two roommates coordinating logistics.

Disengagement might seem more innocent than arguing, but it’s actually despondency.

It’s a sign that on a subconscious level, you’ve both stopped trying because you don't believe anything will change. And unless one or both of you are willing to reinvest, emotionally, mentally, strategically, the distance will only grow. 

Despondency is how 80% of couples end up divorcing. It’s a HUGE red flag.

If you want to bring this back to life, it will take energy, intention, and yes, stepping in to do something about it. 

Like working with a specialist like myself. 

But first, you have to get honest:

 Do you actually want to try?

And if you don’t try, what is the prognosis for you? What does your future look like?

How can we mitigate the risks?

2. You aren’t spending the holidays together, even though you could. Sure, you might be apart through no fault of your own.

But if you are planning separate holidays with separate travel and you could be together…yikes.

There’s a difference between logistics and avoidance.

So if you’re actively opting out of time together, or heck, feeling relief at the idea of not seeing them, that’s you feeling resigned to the relationship being a source of stress. 

But it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.

It DOES mean you’ve stopped trying though, and stopped seeking closeness.

Now, reconnection won’t happen by accident. 

Likely you will grow further apart, so you’ll need to create conditions for safety, respect, and intimacy again or name the real reason you’re staying distant.

3. You’re already mentally planning your post-divorce life.

Perhaps you’ve looked at real estate, or started planning out the custody schedule.

If you’ve envisioned what it would feel like to be… free…then you’re escaping.

And I get it, that vision can be tempting, especially when you’re emotionally exhausted.

But fantasizing about escape is often a symptom of being emotionally overwhelmed and struggling to handle what’s really going on. 

It’s not a sign that you’re clear on what the next steps are.

So before you decide anything, you are better off getting 100% clarity on what the right steps are, rather than fantasising with escapist urges.

You need a clearer future to move towards, not just away from.

And if you’re too close to the problem to see the wood through the trees on your own, get support from someone who can help you separate truth from panic, fear, and just your survival instinct running the show.

4. You’re regularly cruel to each other, and you don’t care.

If your relationship is full of sarcasm, name-calling, dismissive tones and criticism….you're very likely in what Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen” zone:

Criticism. Defensiveness. Contempt. Stonewalling.

When those patterns become normalized and part of your day to day, and neither of you care enough to stop, the relationship is in serious trouble.

The only way out is to disrupt the cycle, fast.

You HAVE to break the patterns.

Because the longer you stay in it, the more irreversible the damage becomes.

This is your cue to get professional support. Because when a relationship is like this, the divorce will be ugly.

Risk mitigation and damage control, if not salvaging things, is imperative here. 

Even just one of you leaning in is enough to shift the dynamic drastically for the positive.

5. You don’t want to work on it anymore.

Eurgh, this is the hardest one.

Because even the most painful relationships can be rebuilt, truly, if there’s a willingness to grow.

But when one or both of you have already checked out emotionally… And growth just isn’t on the table…

You just don’t WANT to work on things…

Then no amount of tools or frameworks will matter.

The relationship only works if at least one person still cares enough to lead.

And that can be you. Yes, just you is enough to transform the entire dynamic for the better.

But if you frankly can’t be bothered, then…you’re in trouble.

So, is it over?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I can’t tell you without knowing more about your unique situation.

So here’s the question you can answer - Do you want it to be?

If the answer is ‘I’m not sure yet’

My friend, this is your window of opportunity to lean in and salvage things.

Because salvaging is almost always going to be exponentially better than divorcing.

If you’re in this place, conflicted, exhausted, and unsure, but not wanting to throw the towel in, message me.

I can help you.

You can learn more about my work here: www.successfullyinlove.com

And message me today.

Let’s  make 2026 your year - finally.