Why don't I feel Christmassy? Ambitious professionals, this one is for you.

Are you finding Christmas shopping and being surrounded by all that Christmas cheer quite…confusing?

Because YOU'RE not feeling festive - in fact, you're actually feeling a bit overwhelmed, exhausted, and lonely throughout it all…?

And your partner seems to be elsewhere entirely, whilst you're feeling emotionally neglected and tired from having to do it all? Powerless to change it?

Because you're the breadwinner in the family and you're the responsible one, providing and figuring things out?

And so of course you don't feel Christmassy - there's just MORE pressure on you this time of year?

Thing is, you're NOT actually powerless.

Nor are you trapped.

Whilst that's a common feeling I see with my high performing clients, it's actually an illusion.

It's your past pains, your hidden patterns flaring up and making you feel that way.

Because even though your partner may well be leaving you to pick up the slack, absolutely…

…what I see more often than not is that my client's partners are actually very willing to help and lean in and be supportive.

So the issue isn't really the partner, but more about the fact you're carrying hidden patterns of feeling unworthy, lonely and a bit betrayed, which are making you struggle to see the situation more clearly

This may feel like a hard pill to swallow - and I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings of being burned out and tired this time of year

You are, and I get it - I have been there too, many times over

But the core of the issue isn't going to necessarily be your partner (though it might be)

Unless something drastically changed in recent years, it's more likely that a big chunk of why you feel so wretched is those pesky past pains, those hidden patterns flaring up

Which really, we all have.

Over the years, you will have experienced painful moments that went on to shape your blueprint of who you are and how you see the world.

So if you experienced being pushed by people who loved you (even with the best intentions), or being told you can do better, or important people in your life being a bit hot and cold, sometimes there, sometimes absent, you would have felt pain - and made it about yourself.

Believing: "clearly, I'm not good enough" because they keep pushing me to do better, and "I will be betrayed" because they're so inconsistent.

So you carry this through to today. And you feel quietly, inherently unworthy. And like you can't really trust people.

So in your marriage, you settle. You don't ask for what you need. And you don't really trust your partner deep down.

You may FEEL like you do, but at your core, you're a little bit reserved.

So you refrain from telling your partner what's really on your mind.

What you really need.

Heck, you don't even KNOW what you really need because you're so used to repressing that.

It's all so far below the surface you don't even know anymore.

All you know is that you feel lonely and unsupported.

And the worst thing is, because of that internal filter - that pattern shaping your experience today - it actually doesn't MATTER what your partner does.

It will never feel enough for you (because you don't feel enough at your core)

And you will never be able to relax fully (because you don't really trust anything)

All of which is YOUR stuff

And actually NOTHING to do with your partner

So the crucial thing here is for you to overcome these past pains, these hidden patterns to see the relationship clearly - and to start allowing yourself to feel happier, more secure, more trusting, and more relaxed

The great news is that you can do this all solo, without needing your partner to join you in couples counselling

(Couples counselling can be genuinely helpful for building communication tools and turn-taking strategies to create intimacy - it's just that on its own, it doesn't always reach the deeper filters and patterns that operate below conscious awareness, which is why some changes from counselling alone can feel short lived).

If this resonates with you, then I can absolutely help you.

In my 90 day program, I help folks like you identify and overcome their past pains so that they can see the relationship clearly, ask for what they need, and finally feel secure - and happy. Meaning you no longer feel lonely or unsupported, because you're deeply connected to yourself (and your partner), and know precisely what you need to feel supported and how to communicate that.

DM me if you want to learn more